The first night we made a camp fire, dinner, and prayed for the weekend before us. It was so beautiful outside. The weather was perfect and we were all enjoying our time together. I was getting ready to head to my tent when I heard a loud roar to my right. When I looked up in the sky, I saw golf ball-sized hail coming toward me from a distance. Words cannot describe how incredible it was to watch it hit the campground section by section like a domino effect.
It stormed that entire night. I was awake most of the time, along with the other girls, because I was sleeping in a soaking wet sleeping bag. I brought my own water proof tent but because there were more girls than guys and my tent was smaller, we decided to trade. Needless to say, they stayed dry and warm. The next day I had to borrow clothes from the guys because everything I owned was drenched.
On the second day, we approached a huge open field where the first services took place. I listed to Beth Moore talk about the storm and how we weren’t going to let it affect our time there to worship God. This had brightened my spirit because I was wearing men’s clothing, I felt embarrassed, and I had begun to wonder why I was even there.
Later that evening, I sat down to watch “Shane and Shane” play. The sky was so beautiful. It was the most amazing sunset I have probably ever seen to this day. I looked around and saw that there were tens of thousands of students there; a sea of worshiping young people. That’s when I really began questioning God; “Are you real?”, “Are you listening to me?”, and “If you are real, how could you care about me when I see thousands of people here; only a small fraction of people in the world that love you and seek you?”. I began to cry inside feeling so unworthy as I asked all of these questions in my head. I kept hoping that the next speaker, the next worship leader, or the next prayer would set me free from my doubts. I never shared my doubts with anyone. I didn’t want to be told, “My dear, you need assurance. I can settle that for you once and for all. It says right here in 1 John 1:9, ‘If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.’ You see? You’re saved. So don’t give the devil a foothold by doubting.” I needed and wanted to feel it for myself.
It was as if the warmth of God’s presence came to me within minutes. It was in that moment when I was desperately calling out to God that He spoke to me and said, “Tiffany, I know every hair on your head and I know your heart, I will never leave you nor forsake you.” That’s when I broke down and fully gave my life to Christ. It’s a moment that I will never forget. I felt so at peace with who I was going to be and who He is. What helped me the most was experiencing God’s real presence. I felt the bigness of God in the littlest of things that weekend. I feel as though I am no longer haunted by doubts. I experienced God through nature, through other people, through circumstances, through words and pictures and impressions, and frequently through the Bible.
I heard several speakers throughout the event but the one that stood out to me most was Kirk Cameron. You may have heard of him because he used to be on the show “Growing Pains.” I loved hearing his story about how he came to know and love God. He mentioned that he had to leave his fame behind him to fully live for Christ. The reason being was to make God’s name known and not his own. That’s why he no longer wanted the image of “Kirk Cameron.” He explained that if you fully seek God, you may lose interest in many other things you thought were important. It's Okay!
I’ve learned that God never gives up on us, never rejects us, and never leaves us. These things are especially difficult for us to believe if we didn’t grow up in an environment of trust. But God understands our mistrust and invites us to discover, through experience, how trustworthy He is.
I now live my life with these three main focuses:
1. Know Him—Read His word and explore who He is.
2. Live for Him—Love others like He loves us.
3. Tell the Story of Jesus—Share His word and help prepare others for His kingdom.
But most importantly Love Him—Because He loved you first.
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